Why Your Brain Can't Feel Two Opposing Emotions at Once (And How to Take Control)

Your brain can’t actually feel two opposing emotions at the same time. It’s not just some weird quirk, it’s the way your brain works, and understanding this can be pretty powerful when it comes to emotional control.

I remember learning this while studying to be a Neuroscience coach and it literally blew my pea sized mind! Why on god's green earth did MY school never teach me this!

Emotions aren’t just random feelings – they trigger a cascade of physical changes in your brain and body. When you're anxious, your brain is firing off cortisol, the primary stress hormone. Cortisol is released when you're feeling fear, disgust, or any other stress-related emotion. It’s what gives you that “fight or flight” response, making you feel on edge and ready to react to a perceived threat. As horrible as it is to feel, this is what primarily keeps us alive. We have a lot to thank this hormone for.

Then there's the nice one to feel. when you’re feeling joy or love, your brain releases oxytocin, often referred to as the "love or bonding hormone." Oxytocin is responsible for creating feelings of bonding, trust, and calmness. So, when you’re connecting with someone you care about, or feeling peaceful, oxytocin is working in your body, calming the stress response and promoting positive emotions.

These hormones are the “fuel” for each emotion, here's what's interesting...... – the hormones for opposing emotions are completely different. Your brain can’t release both at once. So, when you’re feeling anxious (cortisol), it’s impossible for your brain to also feel relaxed (oxytocin) at the same time.

Dr. Tara Swart, neuroscientist and author, has explored this phenomenon in depth. She explains that the brain’s response to emotions is predictable – it’s all about the hormones. The brain can’t be stressed and peaceful simultaneously, so when you're stuck in that emotional tug-of-war, one emotion will always take the lead.

You actually have more control over your emotions than you might think. Your brain is flexible. Well thank f*ck for that.........

It’s neuroplastic, meaning it can change and adapt over time. This gives you the ability to retrain it – so instead of staying stuck in one emotional state, you can shift into one that serves you better.

So, how do you do it? Here are a few strategies:

1. Pause and Breathe: When you're feeling overwhelmed with conflicting emotions, take a step back. Breathe. It’s amazing how something as simple as a few deep breaths can reset your nervous system and help you regain control.

2. Shift Your Focus: If you’re stuck in one emotion, consciously choose to focus on something positive. Whether it’s a happy memory or something that makes you feel grounded, directing your focus can trigger the release of the good hormones and shift your emotional state.

3. Practice Gratitude: Gratitude isn’t just some feel-good trend – it has real science behind it. Finding something to be thankful for (even small things) can shift your brain into a more positive emotional state and release those feel-good hormones.

4. Visualize Your Desired Emotion: Want to feel calm or confident? Visualize yourself feeling that way. Close your eyes and picture it. The brain responds to that visualization by releasing the hormones that match your desired emotional state.

   
   

   REMEMBER...... your brain can’t hold two opposing emotions at once. You get to choose which emotion you want to feed. And with a little practice, you can train your brain to feel more of the emotions that align with the person you want to be.

So, next time you’re caught up in emotional conflict, remember: you’ve got the power to teach your brain how to feel.

Loads of love and light

Chanel duffy