A child needs connection, not the role you fall into!

“I give my son everything, but he’s still cold.” And the psychologist replied, “You’re paying with money for what needs to be paid with attention.”

Read that again. Slowly.

I wanted to share something that i came across when doom scrolling, it hit me so profoundly that i questioned myself, and my parenting. Anything that makes us stop and question ourselves is always a great thing, so i had to share it.

Love Isn’t Measured in Hours. It’s Measured in Presence.

This got me when I read it. It’s one of those truths that’s so bloody simple yet so overlooked in the chaos of everyday life. Autopilot robs us of this very truth.

Children don’t suffer because their parents are away. They suffer when parents are physically there but emotionally checked out. Before i began my healing journey i was always emotionally checked out. Come to think of it, i was mentally checked out too.

Remember, honesty isn't used to blame, it's bloody needed to change.

So many parents beat themselves up for working long hours, thinking love means more time. But a child doesn’t measure love in hours. A child measures it in presence. Real presence. The kind where your mind, your heart, your eyes, your breath are actually with them. You are present in the moment.

You can spend all day with your children but if your brain is somewhere else, it doesn’t really count to be honest. . Their nervous system can tell the difference between being seen and being managed. One minute of your full, undivided attention can outweigh hours of distracted conversation.. I haven't written that to sound good.....It's neuroscience.

When a parent tunes in fully and really listens, looks, breathes with their child their bodies sync. Heart rate, rhythm, breath. The nervous system registers safety. And when a child feels safe, their whole world softens. Anxiety drops. They can finally breathe.

Those quiet moments where your eyes meet and they just know that their little body feels safe. Those moments only come when we pull ourselves out of doing mode and more into a present mode.

One study in Denmark found that when parents gave their full attention for just ten minutes a day, children’s anxiety levels dropped by threefold. Ten minutes. Not hours. Not perfection. Ten bloody minutes of showing up with your soul. That’s all it takes to make a nervous system feel seen and safe.

I love what one psychologist said to a dad who gave his son everything money could buy but still couldn’t reach him. “You’re paying with money for what needs to be paid with attention.” That line should be tattooed on every parent’s heart.

A child doesn’t care about our job titles or our very important to-do list. What matters to them is knowing their inner world matters more than our tasks. Five minutes of real listening gives what years of trying to get it right can’t. Your tone, your gaze, your voice all of it says, I see you. And without that, nothing feels safe to them. Brutal....

This isn’t about being the perfect parent. It’s about being alive. Present. Real. I read somewhere that One dad who worked late every night made it a ritual to call his son and say one true thing about his own day. “I got angry. I laughed. I missed you.” That tiny act made his son feel connected not to a perfect parent but to a human.

Children need parents who are alive spiritually and mentally. Messy, tired, flawed, but always emotionally available.

When you share your humanity, the bond repairs itself. When you really see them, time fucking stops. That one look, that one moment, becomes a memory the nervous system clings to. It stays with them, even when you’re far away.

Love isn’t measured in hours. It’s measured in presence.

If this resonated with you then well fucking done, you're being honest! Now you can begin implementing change without shame.

Loads of love

Chanel duffy.

Flawed, messy, and sweary. But fucking fabulous!