The Attachment blueprint. How attachment styles shape everything about us, including our parenting!!

Understanding Attachment Styles: Why do they matter?

approximately 70% of young children develop the same attachment style as their mother had when they were born. Well........That was me fucked!!!!

I don't know about you, but i had managed to go the entirety of my adult life never giving attachment styles a second thought. That was until i started to do the work on myself. Addressing my bulshit and considering for once the damage my upbringing may have had on my own children as well as the people around me.

It's not always what we do that screw our children up, it's often what we don't do, can't do, or even know the importance of the things we need to do. Children have emotional needs, and if they aren't met, this unfortunately plays a huge part in the way their brains develop. Their emotional needs are just as important as their physical needs. A rule of thumb is..... A child's behaviour is a direct result of their environment. HARSH...... but true!

Attachment styles are a fundamental concept in psychology, offering a framework for understanding how we form and sustain connections with others. Developed from research by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, attachment theory explains how early interactions with caregivers shape our patterns of relating and connecting to others throughout life. Understanding these styles is essential, not only to gain a better understanding of ourselves, but to see how it has gone on to shape our children.

What Are Attachment Styles?

Attachment styles refer to how people connect with others but also explains a lot about how we show up and perceive the world. These patterns develop during childhood, influenced by the reliability, attentiveness and attunement, or the lack of from primary caregivers. Psychologists typically recognize four attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. Each style represents a unique approach to understanding and engaging in relationships, molded by early life experiences.

Why Are They Important?

The impact of attachment styles extends far beyond childhood. They influence how we interact with friends, romantic partners, and, most significantly, our own children. Many mental health disorders have also been linked to attachment style disorders. Studies have found that approximately 70% of young children develop the same attachment style as their mother had when they were born. This continuity highlights the powerful role caregivers play in shaping relational patterns across generations.

Attachment Styles and Parenting

Recent advances in neurobiology and psychology have led to a much more complex understanding of the brain and how attachment styles influence the way we think, feel and behave,

Our attachment style affects how we respond to our children’s emotional needs. Parents with a secure attachment style are more likely to provide a stable and nurturing environment, fostering emotional security and resilience in their children. In contrast, an anxious or avoidant style may lead to unintentional behaviors that create insecurity or distance in the parent-child relationship. These patterns are not set in stone but understanding them can help us address potential challenges in our parenting.

The Potential for Change

The reassuring thing is that attachment styles are not permanent. And thank fuck for that then.... Or we would all be screwed. Through self-awareness, intentional reflection, and professional support such as therapy, we can shift toward a more secure attachment style. This transformation can profoundly benefit our relationships and parenting approaches, breaking cycles of generational patterns and being a nicer more self aware human being!

The Impact on Children

Children who experience secure attachment are more likely to develop confidence, emotional resilience and regulation, and the ability to build strong, meaningful relationships. When parents take steps to understand and improve their own attachment patterns, they create a positive ripple effect that supports their child’s emotional development and overall well-being.

What now?

Thank goodness we can look at our own styles of attachment in the weeks to come with this attachment series and change if need be! Self awareness is incredibly difficult but profound in the changes that gaining this skill will have on your life. It can be difficult to admit how our parenting may be creating difficulties in our children. But that's what makes an amazing parent, the willingness to look in and identify how our styles are shaping our children.

Over the next few weeks i will be sending you everything you need to know on each attachment style, how it manifests itself and how they can be changed.

Hope you enjoy. loads of love,

Be lucky