Do you have trauma?

Sorry to say it.......We’ve All Got Trauma – Yep, Even You

We all have varying degrees of trauma in our bodies.

Well....that's You and me both, kid. It's Mental to think we can go our whole lives thinking we are absolutely amazing for having come out of our childhoods relatively ok And unscathed. That's not to say our parents didn't do a great job. (Lets not include mine here) .I actually laugh that i was that naive or delusional Being in so much denial. Or, was it that i was just ill informed? Led to believe trauma was the big things that happened to you.

It’s not always the big, obvious kind like i thought—like losing a parent or surviving something extreme. It’s often the the more subtle day to day things. Developmental trauma.........A subject i can talk all day about. Always occurring from the things that happened— But also the things that didn’t happen—to us as children. And it shapes who we are, well into adulthood whether we’re aware of it or not.

So, what is developmental trauma? Simply put, it’s trauma created by both what did happen and what didn’t happen. This can include emotional neglect, including minor neglect by a parent who can't show an awful lot of love, being given love on conditional terms (like, “I’ll make a fuss of you if you’re good, but might unintentionally ignore you during the day to day of life”), It’s a biological response that occurs when our bodies are overwhelmed by perceived threats. A parents inconsistent show of love, feeling unsafe, emotional uncertainty, anger, or a parent who isn't attuned, are all perceived threats. Trauma isn’t just a mental or emotional thing—it’s a physical reaction. Our bodies react when we don’t feel safe, and that reaction gets stored in our system, whether we consciously remember the event or not.

Bessel van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score, (if you haven't read it, go on amazon now and order it) explains how trauma gets stored in the body. It’s not just something that’s in our heads—it lives in our nervous systems, muscles, and organs. When we experience something overwhelming as a child, even if it’s subtle or ongoing, it creates an imprint. This imprint isn’t always easy to identify. But it’s there, affecting how we respond to the world as adults. That trauma from childhood doesn’t go away just because we don’t remember it. It shapes us in ways we often can’t even see. Shaping the brain and nervous system. The two most important things that are responsible for everything that makes you, you!!!! Mic drop.....Ill leave you to let that sink in.

Now, trauma doesn’t always come from obvious events. It often comes from things we didn’t receive. For example, if a child perceives that they’re not loved unless they meet certain conditions—like getting good grades, behaving a certain way, or just being “perfect” in some way—that can create a deep belief that they must please others to receive love. This isn’t just about feeling bad in the moment; it’s about how the brain gets shaped. The brain doesn’t differentiate between real danger and perceived danger, so when love is withdrawn or given conditionally, the child’s brain registers that as a threat to their survival. This creates an underlying belief that they must constantly earn love or approval.

That belief gets hardwired into the brain and can follow them into adulthood. So, whether it’s the silence when a parent is upset or the constant push to be “good enough,” the brain is constantly on alert. It’s trying to figure out how to avoid emotional danger.

When we become parents, we’re shaping the brains of the next generation. If we’re carrying our own trauma, it’s easy to pass it on, whether we mean to or not. Kids need us to be emotionally attuned to them. They can’t self-soothe because their frontal cortex isn’t fully developed yet. So, when they’re overwhelmed, they need us to help them regulate their emotions. If we don’t show up to meet their emotional needs, they’re left to cope the best way they know how—often by carrying those deep-rooted beliefs that they’re not enough or that love is conditional. This will shape their nervous system like it shaped ours.

Our job is to soothe and help them feel safe. And by doing that, we help minimize the chances of them developing the same trauma responses we might have.

The truth is, we all have trauma. It’s not about whether you have it—it’s about the degree of it in your body. The good news? Healing is possible. WELL THANK FUCK FOR THAT.......By recognizing the trauma that’s shaped us, we can start to break the cycle. As parents, we have the power to change how our kids experience the world. By being aware of our own trauma, we can show up for them in ways that prevent them from carrying the same emotional scars.

Trauma doesn’t have to be the final word in your story. The real work begins when you understand how it shaped you and take action to heal.